Friday, November 30, 2007

56/365 Mrs Rangle

We'd goof off. You would call us 'Darlin'' in your twangy accent, followed by a clever sarcastic comment. Half the time you acted annoyed with us but I just know you found our antics amusing.

I am a participant in x365.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Punky Moods should have an I Feel like-someone-just-punched-my-gut-
and-a-delightful-dream Mood.
Ever have one of those moments? I've been off work for a week and my alarm just went off for the first time.

Time to rejoin the real world.

The One With Ross's Sandwich

Inspired by Friend's reruns, I was going to bring this to work for dinner... but then I ate it.

55/365 Jenni

And We Danced by The Hooters

Fort Lowell Park. Summer Rec. One. Mikhail Baryshnikov. Michael Douglas Adventure. Stuffed animals. Pish. Nogis. Journals. Letters. Dance routines. Edingson. Senor Pablo Baker. Forts. Clubs. Mtv. 13K-Hit Dedications. . .

Thirty-five words are not enough, my friend.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

54/365 Ramona

You lived two streets down and were always coming over. We called you "Ramona the Pest". Now, wife and mom, you have served our country and I am proud to have a friend like you.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

53/365 DeAnne

At Montana's, Tucson 2006

My oldest friend (with the longest hair). You always reminded me of a character from Little House. Friendly. Considerate. Kind. Mature beyond our years. You are like a touchstone. Thank you for just being there.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

52/365 Vince

Together we loved to see what Tucson had to offer. Hot chili and cornbread in Ski Valley. Midnight hikes in Sabino Canyon. Tohono Chul Park. Fond memories and many laughs. The best kind of friend.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

51/365 Father O'Flannagan

I was seven. I had stolen a rock from the front of the church because, like chalk, it wrote on the sidewalk. Guilt ridden, I confessed. From behind the screen I swear I heard you giggle.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

50/365 Dr Sherfey

Not the respite we had hoped for after Ballentine. White hair, dark suits and horned rimmed glasses. Gruff and unfriendly. Scary. I could not understand why you were our principal if you were a doctor.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

49/365 Mrs Ballantine

Everybody called you Mrs Valantine and it did not fit because valantine's are pretty and pleasant. It seemed that you didn't like kids very much. Meany. Sorry, but no body stacked up to Mr Rhodes.

I am a participant in x365.
This is: Project *x365 The Tucson Series

Project *x365 Catch-Up

I am finally back. It was a nice long holiday weekend and we did lots of holiday things down in Tucson. The turkey is almost gone, the Christmas tree is up and the shopping has begun. I've neglected my 365-Project long enough so, today, it's time to play catch up. Since I was down in Tucson for almost a week, visited some memorable places and had the chance to reminisce, the nostalgic juices are flowing.

These are some people that I remembered during my visit to Tucson.

This is: Project *x365: The Tucson Series

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

K Through 6

When I drive in to Tucson, I like taking the long and windy (as in road, not weather) way in so that I can pass all the places that bring back memories. Last weekend, I drove past my old elementary school and stopped to walk Dookie and take some pictures. It really has changed a lot. Jenni, if you didn't get to stop by during your visit, I hope at least you, Joe and your mom can appreciate these pictures and post.

Looking North: The Little-Kids' Playground

There were two playgrounds at Whitmore. The one at the back of the school was for the 'big kids'. The big kids' playground had kickball fields, separate basketball courts, a giant jungle gym for climbing and bars up to 10 feet high. The photos here are of the playground for grades K through 3 and is still the same, more or less. They have added shade coverings over the equipment because the Arizona sun can make the metal super hot and I recall burning my hands and backs of my legs on the swings. In this sandbox, we used to look for sand rubies and 'tornado bugs'. You know, the bugs that burrow in the sand and make a hole that looks like a tornado. In second grade, I got my first kiss from Timothy Gustofson (a first grader) while hanging upside down on the bars. I made my pinky fingernail black by jamming it in the gate, and sucked the nectar out of little purple flowers in the field. The field is now a parking lot and there are 'portable' classrooms where the little-kids' soccer field used to be.

Me on the Monkey Bars, 1980

Looking South: Playground and Main Building

Looking South:
The Bar, Monkey Bars and Greenberg's Portable

In the distance is the building where Mr Greenberg's sixth grade class was held. We called it a 'portable' but it really wasn't. It was a lone building in the back of the school property that looked like it was somebody's house at one time. My Kindergarten class was also taught in this building before they moved it and the G.A.T.E. class to the main building. The 'portable' had a porch and a gated 'yard' with tot-sized playground equipment. I met my very first friend on this playground during the afternoon session of Kindergarten. We both picked the same concrete tunnel to play in. She was skinny and was wearing purple tights and introduced herself as 'Lia'. I remembered her as Leotard.

The Cafeteria

The lunch room was the place where the net-headed 'lunch ladies' could hook you up with chocolate milk, mac & cheese, salty canned green beans and steakette patties. This was an entre that I would keep a look out for on the menu-calendar. On the days I brought my lunch, it would come packed (by Gramma, no doubt) in my metal Disneyland lunch box that had a picture of the castle and a flying Dumbo. Christine had a plastic Little House of the Prairie lunch box of which I was envious. The smell of lukewarm, hours-old milk still reminds me of sitting at lunch and drinking from my thermos. While we sat eating our food the janitor, Mr Karcher, would sneak up behind the kids and tip our chairs back and up really fast to try to get a scream and a laugh. Everyone always wished that they would be next. The cafeteria was also the staging area for ice cream socials, concerts, dances, after school activities and summer 'rec'.

While I was walking along the front of the cafeteria I remembered our first principal, Mr Rhodes, and decided to make him my next entry in Project *x365. He was probably in his late fifties, was balding, had a little beard and glasses. I remember that he was very nice, not scary at all (for a principal) and was fun to be around. If you were a Girl Scout, he referred to you as a 'Sprout'. He used to gather us up, sit with us on the steps to the stage in the cafeteria and sing songs. The one that sticks in my mind is the one about the bear. It's a repetitive song, so it was easy for us kids to sing along. He would sing a line and we would repeat it. Then, as a group, we would sing all of the lines in that verse together.
No where in the song does it mention it but, in my memory, the bear wore tennis shoes and/or came from Tennessee ("I met a bear... In tennis shoes" or "I met a bear... From Tennessee.") At the time, I was in kindergarten and Laura was in sixth grade, so maybe she can shed some light on why I remember it that way. Anyway, I found the lyrics via Google. Have I mentioned how much I love Google?

I Met a Bear

The other day (The other day)
I met a bear (I met a bear)
A great big bear (A great big bear)
Away up there (Away up there)

The other day I met a bear,
A great big bear a way up there!

He looked at me (He looked at me)
I looked at him (I looked at him)
He sized up me (He sized up me)
I sized up him (I sized up him)

He looked at me, I looked at him,
He sized up me, I sized up him!

He said to me (He said to me)
Why don't you run? (Why don't you run?)
I see you ain't (I see you ain't)
Got any gun (Got any gun")

He said to me, "Why don't you run?
I see you ain't got any gun!"

And so I ran (And so I ran)
Away from there (Away from there)
And right behind (And right behind)
Me was that bear (Me was that bear)

And so I ran away from there,
And right behind me was that bear!

Ahead of me (Ahead of me)
I saw a tree (I saw a tree)
A great big tree (A great big tree)
Oh, golly gee! (Oh, golly gee!)

Ahead of me there was a tree,
A great big tree, oh, golly gee!

The lowest branch (The lowest branch)
Was ten feet up (Was ten feet up)
I had to jump (I had to jump)
And trust my luck (And trust my luck)

The lowest branch was ten feet up,
I had to jump and trust my luck!

And so I jumped (And so I jumped)
Into the air (Into the air)
And missed that branch (And missed that branch)
Away up there (Away up there)

And so I jumped into the air
And missed that branch away up there!

Now don't you fret (Now don't you fret)
And don't you frown (And don't you frown)
I caught that branch (I caught that branch)
On the way back down (On the way back down)

Now don't you fret and don't you frown
I caught that branch on the way back down!

That's all there is (That's all there is)
There is no more (There is no more)
Until I meet (Until I meet)
That bear once more (That bear once more)

That's all there is, there is no more,
Until I meet that bear once more.

The end, the end (The end, the end)
The end, the end (The end, the end)
The end, the end (The end, the end)
The end, the end (The end, the end)

The end, the end, the end, the end,
This time it really is the end*!

*of the song and of this post

Monday, November 26, 2007

Thank You Note

Dear Aunt Laura,

Thank you for the pig. I really enjoyed it!

Dookie (the Destroyer)



Thursday, November 22, 2007

48/365 Mr Rhodes

In Tennis Shoes
by Kathy-rine

The best principal ever! You read us stories in the cafeteria, knew all of our names and sang "I Met a Bear". When you went to Cragin, they loved you just as much as we.

I am a participant in x365.

That Kind of Night

She* came out of the room, cursed a little under her breath and threw her glove down. This is how it landed, I swear.

*I'm finished with the third person too, I swear.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Absence Excused

To Whom It May Concern,

(i.e. those of you who sent e-mail and other such messages inquiring where in the heck Kathy-rine disappeared to for the last several days)

Kathy-rine has been excused from her blog posting responsibilities due to a swift and unexpected stomach 'bug' that caught her unawares. She was unable to think clearly, write coherent sentences or leave her bathroom for extended periods of time. Occasionally, she could be heard mumbling to herself, "Something is not right. There is definitely something wrong," while rocking back and forth on the toilet and clutching the garbage pail.

Currently, Kathy-rine is back to work, feeling fine and a couple pounds lighter. She will be returning shortly as soon as she catches a nap, launders some clothing, packs her bags and puppy in to the car and heads down to Tucson for the holiday weekend. Until then, she bids all of you well and will catch up on your posts as time permits.


Kathy-rine (who does not usually but is currently referring to herself in the third person)

P.S. She says, have a GREAT Thanksgiving everyone! Remember to wait for the thermometer to pop before tearing the bird apart like the savages that you are... we are. Enjoy your 'Buck-a-Gobbs'!
Buck-a-Gobb by Kathy-rine

Friday, November 16, 2007

42/365 Carrie

You had a funny laugh, sucked your thumb until you were nine, green hair in the summer and a large collection of stuffed animals that we made mazes with for your gerbils, Blacky and Sweetstuff.

I am a participant in x365.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

41/365 Tina

We were in Girl Scouts together. I randomly invited you to camp over summer. When spiders were spotted in our cabin you crawled into my bunk, slept in my sleeping bag and picked.your.scabs.

I am a participant in x365.

Color Me... bored

Here I lay on my heating pad, surfing the net and drinking hot tea. And, oh yeah, did I mention it's raining? Right. So, the other night my friend, SB, found another cool site to occupy our time during down time at work. If you go to there is a Digi-Color page where you can draw, paint and color with your choice of Crayola tools. You Your kids could spend hours there!

A few of us at work held a drawing contest in which the first topic was Milk and Cookies. We had fifteen minutes to create our master pieces. This was my entry:

A Delicious Snack (of your choosing) by Kathy-rine

I know, it's a piece of work alright and the best part is the crayon floating above the cookies. One of the judges, another nurse, said it looked more like a plate of biscuits and a salt shaker. An astute observation and I really could have gone for biscuits with honey and hot tea at this hour of the morning. Anyway, SB won with her portrait of Santa's cookies on Christmas morning. It was quite cute and creative. Unfortunately, I don't have photographic evidence of that one. Then, I was working diligently to complete my entry for the topic of Tropical when, at five a.m., my patient spiked a tem of 104 . Not a good sign when your immune system is shot all to hell. Subsequently, several sets of blood and fungal cultures and a chest x-ray took precedence over my "Bird of Paradise" (to be completed at a later time).
I did not work lastnight but SB did. When I woke up, I had a text message on my phone from about 3:30 a.m. Apparently, things have again calmed down on the BMT unit. This is SB's latest creation:

Tropical Fish by SB

Laying in bed, on my heating pad, loaded up on tea and ibuprophen, with nothing to do (and not to be outdone) I decided to try a Crayola rendition of Van Gogh's "Starry Night". Yes, I need to get a life.

Crayola Starry Night by Kathy-rine


SB just texted her Milk and Cookies entry!
And the WINNER IS:

Santa's Cookies by SB

Small Things

For the last few days I have been dwelling on the fact that I had only two nights off of work before I had to be back for a six night stretch. When I woke up today I had the worst back ache, cramps, nausea and dread of having to go in to work tonight, when it suddenly dawned on me.



No where in the forecast did they mention rain, clouds, thunderstorms. It's a sign. Of what, I don't know. I'll wait though. I have all day.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Paper or Plastic

On your way home, you make a quick stop at the store for a couple of items: milk, a bottle of Figi water or gum. The cashier will ask, "Would you like a bag for that?" Sometimes, just sometimes, they don't ask. Sometimes, you have to walk past the hot guy you talked to in the produce section with your car keys and a box of tampons in your hand.

7 More Things

How does this happen? Thanksgiving is next week. Didn't we just do this a few months ago? Yikes. It is my favorite holiday, I am super excited and looking forward to a week off, going home, time with family and, of course, that living room nap that goes somewhere between Thanksgiving dinner, kitchen clean-up and dessert. So many things to be thankful for and these are just a few. KimmyK would like us to name seven. Here are mine:

  1. The ability to go places, see things and enjoy myself: Vacations, day trips, long drives, walks in the park, whiling a day away without a care in the world.
  2. Rainy days that wait for me to have a day off so I can sleep in and lounge around in comfy clothes.
  3. Clean sheets, my warm bed and a soft pillow.
  4. The love of a puppy who is so wildly happy to see me when I open the door.
  5. A hot cup of English breakfast tea and soft, sugary sugar cookies.
  6. Movies that make me laugh out loud and so hard it makes me cry.
  7. Friends that can do the same.

Thanks, KK. You have made me think about all of the things which I am truly thankful for but may have taken for granted now and then. Now, I must pass it on. All who read this, consider yourselves tagged to think about but by no means are obligated to list seven things that you are thankful for.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

39/365 Baker

You made the best drinks, doubles at no charge. We went out, talked, played pool after hours, had laughs, drinks and dinners. Sorry, my friend. Never did it occur to me that they were dates.

I am a participant in x365.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Heard At Work

"How old is the patient?"



"How old are you?"

38/365 Foy

Personable with patients, competent in your nursing skills, you needed to work on your social interactions with your co-workers. Take note: Throwing shit around the nurses station in a fit of rage will alienate others.

I am a participant in x365.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

37/365 Timothy

My first kiss as we hung upside-down on the bars in the sandbox. Later, you moved away with your family to 'the mountains'. I pictured you riding away, across the Catalina's, in a covered wagon.

I am a participant in x365.

A Letter To My Brother-In-Law

Dear Jerry,

I'm not sure how much internet time you get because I know you're busy training and serving your country. Just a short note to let you know that everyone misses you! I hope things are going well and that you will keep all of us posted on how you are and, if possible, where you are. Take lots of pictures, post them when you can and we'll keep you updated on the homestead.

Take Care and we'll see you at Christmas!


P.S. Don't let the guys give you too much shit about the Britney, Nsync, BSB, New Kids or Shania on your iPod. Own it!

This one's for you...

Saturday, November 10, 2007

36/365 Ms. Torneau

Feathered lips. Your skirt in your pantyhose. A misfitted wig. What a mess. They'd toss bobby pins while you wrote at the blackboard. You would pick them up and put them 'back' in your hair.

I am a participant in x365.

Pearly Whites

Walking to the cafeteria I suddenly remembered that I had a dream that I started wearing my retainer again. After years of avoiding the dreaded wisdom teeth extraction, I jammed it over my shifted teeth and wore it religiously hoping that they would move back to the way they were after my braces came off at sixteen. My mouth ached. My head ached. When I went to pull it out, my teeth were perfectly aligned but I had to scrape a thick, white, filmy coating from the roof of my mouth and from between my teeth. It had the appearance of lard and I can only liken it to the grease that coats the roof of your mouth and arteries after eating cold popcorn and then drinking an ice cold beverage.

Friday, November 9, 2007


nano, originally uploaded by scoobers

I'm so excited. Catheroo got one and when I saw it I knew I had to have it. Meet my new nano. Since I was stuck at home without a car I spent some time picking songs I want in the nano library.
Choosing iPod worthy songs is an important job. 8 gigs and so much music. During my obsessive arranging, rearranging, and creation of new play lists, I have discovered that songs fall into one of three categories during the selection process. And believe me... it's a process.

Here they are:
  • Category 1: Most Definitely Delete (what possessed me to pay money for and include this song in my library in the first place? i have no idea, i know they're awful, don't even ask.)
    • She Bangs by Will Hung
    • Shake It by Sakis
    • I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
    • Let's Talk by The Revolting Cocks
    • Boom! I Got Your Boyfriend by MC Luscious
    • Dragostea Din Tei by Haiducii

  • Category 2: Consider Deleting (but when it comes down to it, I love this song even though it may be totally geeky, random, or so yesterday)
    • Driving My Life Away by Eddie Rabbit
    • Tonight by NKOTB
    • Supersonic by JJ Fad
    • Shy by Sarah Jessica Parker
    • Tarzan Boy by Baltimora
    • Bad Bad Leroy Brown by Jim Croche

  • Category 3: Must Keep ( because I would never, ever, in this lifetime consider deleting because it is absolutely
    • Gone by Montgoery Gentry
    • Beautiful Mess by Diamond Rio
    • Float On by Modest Mouse
    • Crazy by Gnarls Barkley
    • Creep by Radiohead
    • One Headlight by The Wallflowers
    • I Am the Walrus by Jim Carrey (yes, that Jim Carrey)
    • anything by Pink Floyd or The Beatles
    • this list could go on but I won't

After careful consideration and listening to (and watching) it again, I have moved Dragostea din Tei to Category 2. I can't help it. I like it. And I like dancing on my couch.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Restless Sleeper

Restless Sleeper, originally uploaded by scoobers1.

This is why Dookie is not allowed to sleep in my bed. I'd never get any sleep. But the question is... how can I be mad about the stethoscope?
Seriously... look at her!



The sad thing is? This was not my stethoscope. It was a friend's. On loaner. Since mine was stolen by a doctor making rounds. Now, I have to buy two. Awesome. Thanks, Dookie.

Auto Reply

I must be PMSing because THIS made me feel weepy and suddenly patriotic:

Subject: Out of Office AutoReply: I HAVE CHRISTMAS NIGHT OFF!!!
Date: November 8, 2007 11:41:27 AM MST

****Message for 28-Sep-2007****

*This person* 480-123-4567 has taken over as Operation Support Team Manager for Arizona as I prepare for deployment in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. Please forward all operation support issues to her. Thank you, Jerry Joaquin (Laura's Hubby)

***Original Message***

I can't believe it! Can we have 'the dinner' this night?

so happy.



34/365 Wink

In elementary school you were 'Erwin'. In high school it was 'Wink'. Parties at your house were legendary and I'll never forget the one when my mom showed up the same time the cops did.

I am a participant in x365.

F U * *

  • Fortunately, I made it over to my sister's house and we had a nice night tonight.
  • Unfortunately, when I got in my car to leave it wouldn't start.
  • Fortunately, Laura had jumper cables!
  • Unfortunately, that didn't work.
  • Fortunately, we both have AAA!
  • Unfortunately, they were also unable to jump start my car and said it's most likely my alternator and, more unfortunate still, my warranty expired almost exactly 1000 miles ago.
  • Fortunately, they said they could tow my car to the Jeep dealership anyway.
  • Unfortunately, it is 2 am and the dealership is closed.
  • Fortunately, he said it should be fine, that there would be a drop off and drop box.
  • Unfortunately, on the drive there, I think Dookie peed on the floor of the tow truck :/
  • Fortunately, he drove with the windows down and didn't seem to notice.
  • Unfortunately, we shivered all the way because the wind chill inside the cab felt like 20 degrees F.
  • Fortunately, he said he could drop me and Dookie off on the way to the dealership.
  • Unfortunately, I had zero cash on me for a tip and felt like a big piece of shit.
  • Fortunately, I apologized and he seemed really nice and did not care or expect one.
  • Unfortunately, ten minutes after he dropped us off I receive a phone call telling me that he had to drop my car off at the Ford dealership next door because the Jeep dealership's gates were closed. wtf?
  • Fortunately, I live directly behind this dealership and can walk my happy ass over there at the butt crack of dawn when they open, so that I may explain and my car does not get removed from their premises.
  • Unfortunately, it is currently 3:42 and the question of whether or not to go to sleep is weighing heavily on my mind.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

  • Fortunately, I have nothing else to do today so I can stay home and take a nap while my car is being fixed. So now, I think I'll set my alarm, snuggle in bed and watch Little House before I doze off. Nighty Night!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Sometimes, More Is More

Cupcake, originally uploaded by scoobers

Cupcake season has officially arrived! The air outside is cool(er). Ovens are fired up. Bloggers are baking. Each time I log on I see cupcakes galore and the places where I don't see cupcakes I find people seeking them out. Lori, this is yet another tortuous post for you to endure during your prenatal cravings. Apologies!

Today, my friend, KB turned thirty-six years old and so I thought I would officially ring in cupcake season by whipping up a batch of my own special*, sprinkled, delights for her. I planned to make enough so that her 'herd' would be able to enjoy them as well. I filled the cups half way with batter so I could stretch it out and make more of them. I ended up with cakes not mushrooming over the tops of their tinfoil incubators but resembling golden brown hockey pucks. In order to compensate for the missing tops I layered the sweet, delicious vanilla cream frosting on pretty thick.

On her way over to my house tonight, KB received a phone call from the family of one of our patients who told her that he had lost his year long battle with cancer. It was pretty tough to hear because I know they made every effort, tried every option and that he fought with everything he had. The family is super tight, as is the bond between my patient and his brother. I pray that he finds the means to make it though such a difficult time.

Now, I can't sleep because my mind is running in circles, again, over the reactions of others towards choices I have made and continue to make. Earlier tonight, KB and I drove out to the hospital together to visit another patient of ours. On the way there I told her that a couple of the other nurses shook their heads in a disapproving manner when they found out that we visit our patients after they are moved to ICU or keep in touch with them or their families after they are discharged. We talked about the line that should not be crossed and how to know when you've reached it.

During the conversation between KB and our patient's brother he told her that 'D' told him to let, specifically, the two of us know that he felt truly cared for by us. Going beyond our 'work' in the hospital made a difference in his life and the appreciation for that was voiced by his family. This only solidifies my thinking that our patients are still our patients whether or not we see them when we clock in to work and that taking the time, our own time, to make sure they are taken care of makes a difference in how they perceive the 'care' they get. I plan to continue giving more of myself to my patients and their families. If this means that I become attached to some of them and end up hurting because of an unfortunate outcome then so be it. The sorrow I feel is nothing compared to what they must go through and if spending time with them, crying with them and following up with their families after they've gone is what it takes for them to know that their caregivers truly care, then that is what I need to do.

Right now, I am going to go to the kitchen to soothe myself with cupcakes, extra extra frosting and a big glass of ice cold milk.

*By 'my own' I mean my own box of Betty Crocker vanilla cake mix and white vanilla frosting.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

32/365 Black *.*

Two words: Friggin' hilarious. My tiny Canadian friend. So much funny packed into such a little person. A sharp wit and tongue, people regret messing with you. Reining champs in beer pong- Go Team Pink!

I am a participant in x365.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Envy, by Request, and Others

My Middle Name. This is getting framed and going in my office.

... or when you drink too much tequila. Not that I would know.

Deadly Sin Number Six

It's just so funny.

31/365 Holly

You acted more like a guy than any girl I ever met. Fist fights, snot rockets and loogies. A bully. Even boys were afraid of you. I somewhat recall a fight you picked with Jenni.

I am a participant in x365.

Caught Unawares

Seen outside of work:
An EMT standing next to his ambulance blowing snot-rockets onto the pavement.

Me, "That's awesome."
Him, "What?!"
Me, "What do you mean 'What'?"
Him, "Oh. Well... next time you see that you'll remember me!"

Yes, thank you. Next time I need to borrow an air-hankie I'll know who to go to.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

30/365 Henry

First Communion, originally uploaded by scoobers1.

Out of the car window we'd wave and say,
"Hi, Henry-who-doesn't-live-there-anymore!" Gramma Mary's "man-friend" for so long, you were the closest thing to a grandfather that I ever knew.

I am a participant in x365.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

29/365 Gayle

You were a blast to work with. We would laugh and end up waking the patients but somehow, they would end up laughing too, saying it was contagious. I miss my Texan friend, my 'petunia'!

I am a participant in x365.

Friday, November 2, 2007

28/265 Dr Zaharia

Incredibly wise and old enough to be Yoda, the resemblance was impeccable. I was afraid of your stern, dictator-like way of instruction and I hated debate. I entered your class riddled with anxiety every day.

I am a participant in x365.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Laundry Day

Laundry Day, originally uploaded by scoobers

In Dookie news: She has more or less learned the commands sit, stay, speak, lay down, wait and "Go get it!" She knows "Good Girl" means she'll get a goodie of some sort and that "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Girl" is, well, bad. We loosened her puppy collar to the last notch. When she grows out of that does she officially become a 'dog'?

27/365 W.N.

You had a wife, children and cancer of the esophagus. One of my first patients after becoming licensed, I wish I could have eased your suffering more. After seven years- I still remember your face.

I am a participant in x365.

The Wheels Keep Spinning

A couple of days ago, I was called vain, in the worst possible way. I opened up and told somebody that I have been worried about something, so much that I lose sleep. My mind is racing, I've been beating myself up and asking questions like why things happen in life, what is God's plan, and what the future holds, all of which are basically a big black hole of what ifs...? However, in the context of conversation, I believe the word she was looking for was egotistical. In either case, I don't think I am or was in this particular instance, even.
In a totally unrelated conversation, it was also insinuated, by the same person, that I care too much about the color of a person's skin. Not once, but three times was this statement made and each time more severely. Mine was an innocent observation and opinion (one she told me she's heard a thousand times from different people) about how it was funny that a relative's child bore more of a resemblance to her than one of her own children. Is that a negative reflection of who I am or what type of person I have become?

Although I believe these statements to be untrue it bothers me so much that someone else would think these things about me and tell me, in a not-so-straight-forward manner. Round and round in circles, in my brain, I go thinking "Am I really being that way? Is that who I really am and have been missing it all these years? Do other people think this about me?" This is the part of my brain that I wish I could signal down out of being the way it is: Self critical, over-analyzing and at times- my own worst enemy. Bottom line? I care too much about what people think. I always have. If there was a switch that could be flipped, I'd do it. Even if I could turn the volume down a little, I would be satisfied because the noise in my head is so damn loud.

What truly bothers me about this particular instance is that I consider this person a friend. I trust her with my most personal thoughts and experiences. I value her opinion. I would seek her advice on important decisions or personal matters. She could be someone I'd cry to if I needed (a good kick in the ass) to.
Right now, I tell myself that she was wrong. She does not know me at all. Perhaps, I touched a nerve which caused her to lay into me. Or maybe, what she said was meant to ruffle my feathers, question my character in the presence of others, no more.

Mission accomplished. Good job. You made me think (obsess) about it.

I know who I am, what values I hold, what is important to me and that it shows in the way I interact and treat other people. I know I am a modest, humble and over all a good person and *what she said was flat out wrong.

*Unfortunately, it will be back to haunt my brain in the wee hours of the night (or day) when I least expect.