Thursday, June 7, 2007

SPF: My Bounce

Self Portrait Friday assignment for June 8, 2007
Kristine over at Random and Odd had a rough week last Friday. This week she has her
'bounce' back and thus inspired this weeks assignment:

Show me your bounce. (this could get interesting!)

SPF is usually light and fun but this weeks topic of "Bounce" for me involves a time of letdown, anxiety and self-dislike but eventually resolve.
I received another email from someone who I have considered a friend for most of my life. Everybody has their problems and issues but we two have never quite been able to communicate effectively when a conflict arises.
Being the sensitive and emotional
Cancerian that I am, I tend to take things to heart, am very emotional and super sensitive. I recognize this in myself and try to react and respond to situations in an objective manner and to use kind words in order to spare others any pain. Another thing about me is that I HATE conflict of any kind. This is probably the reason that I avoided the debate team in High School, keep my opinions to myself and change the channel immediately if Jerry Springer or Judge Judy come on.
I am also prone to anxiety attacks when confronted with certain kinds of stress. In this case, insulting, insensitive and hurtful comments. This is not the first time my friend, a Gemini, has been hostile and cold to me. I am tired of feeling hurt and sad over the way things have gone. Even more so, I am sick of being made to feel bad about myself because of the things she says and the way she has treated me in the past, and now.

Friendship should not be exhausting. Friendship should not be such hard work.
I have decided that I can't go on like this anymore. Although, it is a tough decision and it makes me a little sad to have to do it, I also feel a sense of freedom and relief when I think about not having to hold my breath for another angry response or endure another stinging and spiteful remark.
I am going to concentrate on the important people I have around me now... to be a good friend to them while I get respect, love and encouragement in return.

I have bounced her email back to her (a feature I have only recently discovered on my Macintosh. It's genius.)

She will not know that she hurt me for the last time.


Sandi said...

Being a fellow Cancerian, I can totally relate. No relationship should be exhausting - whether it's friendship or marriage. Life it too short to continuously need to spend a lot of emotional energy on one person. Congratulations on taking the plunge!

kimmyk said...

I've found my life is a lot less stressful and I'm happier because I've cut out all the people who bring drama to my life. Mainly my sister. Sad. But true.

tommiea said...

I am Cancer myself....and I could have written this post. I have enough stress in my life with a deployed husband to have to be dealing with toxic friends.

Take care of yourself first and foremost!

thanks for visiting..

happy weekend

Teena said...

Nice twist on the theme!

Thanks for stopping by mine :) Sorry I'm late in visiting but I went out Friday night and spent yesterday in Niagara Falls.

Jenni said...

I'm sorry to hear about this Kathy (and sorry I'm late commenting). I'll send you an e-mail in a bit.

Hang in there!

Kathy said...

thanks everyone. it's helpful to know that other people have gone through it and have had to make that decsion.
it also occurred to me... she'll know if she ever reads this post.
ces la vie.
bouncy bounce.