The Wheels Keep Spinning

A couple of days ago, I was called vain, in the worst possible way. I opened up and told somebody that I have been worried about something, so much that I lose sleep. My mind is racing, I've been beating myself up and asking questions like why things happen in life, what is God's plan, and what the future holds, all of which are basically a big black hole of what ifs...? However, in the context of conversation, I believe the word she was looking for was egotistical. In either case, I don't think I am or was in this particular instance, even.
In a totally unrelated conversation, it was also insinuated, by the same person, that I care too much about the color of a person's skin. Not once, but three times was this statement made and each time more severely. Mine was an innocent observation and opinion (one she told me she's heard a thousand times from different people) about how it was funny that a relative's child bore more of a resemblance to her than one of her own children. Is that a negative reflection of who I am or what type of person I have become?

Although I believe these statements to be untrue it bothers me so much that someone else would think these things about me and tell me, in a not-so-straight-forward manner. Round and round in circles, in my brain, I go thinking "Am I really being that way? Is that who I really am and have been missing it all these years? Do other people think this about me?" This is the part of my brain that I wish I could signal down out of being the way it is: Self critical, over-analyzing and at times- my own worst enemy. Bottom line? I care too much about what people think. I always have. If there was a switch that could be flipped, I'd do it. Even if I could turn the volume down a little, I would be satisfied because the noise in my head is so damn loud.

What truly bothers me about this particular instance is that I consider this person a friend. I trust her with my most personal thoughts and experiences. I value her opinion. I would seek her advice on important decisions or personal matters. She could be someone I'd cry to if I needed (a good kick in the ass) to.
Right now, I tell myself that she was wrong. She does not know me at all. Perhaps, I touched a nerve which caused her to lay into me. Or maybe, what she said was meant to ruffle my feathers, question my character in the presence of others, no more.

Mission accomplished. Good job. You made me think (obsess) about it.

I know who I am, what values I hold, what is important to me and that it shows in the way I interact and treat other people. I know I am a modest, humble and over all a good person and *what she said was flat out wrong.






*Unfortunately, it will be back to haunt my brain in the wee hours of the night (or day) when I least expect.

My 100th Post

100 Things for my 100th Post.

"I wanna talk about me!
Mmmm me, me, me, me, me!"
~Toby Keith

1. I am a Cancer.
2. I was born in Illinois, The Land of Lincoln.
3. I am a middle child.
4. I have two sisters.
5. I inherited my mom's stature and my dad's face.
6. I love my parents more than words can express.
7. I still call them 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' and that will never change.
8. My family is most important.
9. I am a registered nurse who works with Oncology and Bone Marrow Transplant patients.
   
10. The University of Arizona is my alma mater. GO CATS!
11. With only a few exceptions, I love what I do.
12. I love thunderstorms, mountains, clouds, and dragonflies.
13. HBO and the Weather Channel are my favorite things to watch on television.
14. I am obsessed with Local On the 8's.
15. Summer transition to Fall is my favorite time of year.
16. I have a fear of heights and speaking in public.
17. I am superstitious.
18. I believe in signs.
    
19. I like my feet.
20. I don't like my hands (especially my thumbs).
21. I am a saver of things sentimental.
22. My favorite place to be is on the warm beach, Dos Equis in hand, in Puerto Penasco, Mexico.
23. I am jealous of other gringos who can fluently speak Spanish.
24. Painting both relaxes and stresses me out.
25. I cry and turn all red when I laugh too hard.
26. I get hot and turn all red when I cry.
    
27. Being rushed is one of my pet peeves.
    
28. I have always hated the term "pet peeve". Is there an alternative?
29. I will do just about anything to avoid confrontation.
30. I loathe drama, people who create drama and Drama Queens.
31. My first car was a lime green 1979 Chevy Nova, named "The Super NOVA" that I got from my Gramma.
32. I didn't get my license until I was 18.
    
33. It is funny to me when people get hurt, in a clumsy, no-serious-injury, non-life threatening way.
34. I have a hard time trusting people.
    
35. I tend to keep people at a distance.
    
36. My sister is my best friend.
37. I love music.
    
38. In my life, I've loved The Beatles most : )
    
39. I can't sing but I like to in my car.
40. If I had a choice to pick any career (besides nursing) it would include art, photography or traveling (or a combination of the three!)
41. I need three pillows and a down comforter to sleep.
    
42. I have serious sleep issues.
43. I love mid-day naps while other bustle around me.
44. The hours just before sunset are my favorite time of day.
45. Math, of any kind, causes me anxiety.
46. I would like to learn to crochet (because of my Grammas).
47. I do crosswords in pen.
48. I procrastinate.
49. My nickname for myself is "Sidetrack".
50. I love the southwest and the desert.
51. My cellphone ringtone is the theme to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
52. I have a difficult time accepting complements.
53. I know that I am talented, smart, pretty and overall a good person.
54. That was difficult for me to write without backspacing.
55. Phlegm makes me squeamish.
56. I love to drive... faster than people around me.
57. My navigational skills and sense of direction are practically nonexistent.
58. I don't like to cook.
59. I do like to make cheesecakes.
60. I am an introvert.
61. I am afraid my shyness projects itself as snobbiness.
62. I play the lottery and truly believe that I will win someday.
63. I have met Bill Clinton and Margot Kidder.
    
64. I would like to illustrate children's books.
65. I wish I had taken art classes like Mommy, Aunt Flo and Debbie always told me I should.
66. I think that hypocritical, judgmental, gossipy people must all rot in hell.
67. I try very hard not to be hypocritical, judgmental or gossipy : )
    
68. I think that God shaped pigeons like footballs for a reason.
69. I would never really hurt another living creature (unless it hurt me or threatened to hurt me... or if it gets annoying. Mosquitoes, ants and roaches don't count.) Okay, the point is now moot. I would hurt a living creature.
    
70. I feel sorry and get sad for inanimate objects that are damaged and uncared for.
71. Rarely, do I ever get bored.
72. I don't keep up with the news like I should.
73. The news makes me depressed and worried.
    
74. WTF? is my favorite expression.
75. I love cheesecake, chocolate cake with milk, tapioca and macaroni and cheese.
    
76. Cooked zucchini, brussel sprouts and seeing a hair in the sink while I'm brushing my teeth will make me gag.
77. I'd rather be hot than cold.
78. I wear flip flops year round.
79. I hate 'real' shoes.
80. I don't like having to get dressed up to go out.
81. I am horrible at keeping in touch.
82. I am currently reading three different books at the same time.
83. I love to lay in a pile of warm laundry.
84. I abhor people who can not control their tempers.
85. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
86. I have THREE junk drawers in my kitchen.
87. Hearing daytime television makes me cringe.
88. The farthest I've been away from home is Greece.
89. I love the smell of Tucson rain, cookies baking, Eternity for Men and a new book.
90. I get motion sickness.
91. I am incapable of sitting in a chair correctly.
92. I like salads and my fruit at room temperature.
93. I hate hate hate passive-aggressiveness.
94. I always set my thermostat to an Even number.
95. I eat a little chocolate every day.
96. I am a dog person.
    
97. Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy.
98. I am self-aware, aware of others, observant, particular and difficult to please.
99. I am a boiling, bubbling, cauldron of emotion.
100. This is me. I am.
     

Aromatherapy

After the Rain, Tucson Arizona

Out of the blue, you may be walking through the market or down the street and catch a scent and suddenly be transported to a time in your life that could not have been brought back more powerfully by any other means.
One thing that I have observed while taking the time to think of certain scents and the memories they conjure, is that I can not recall a bad thought or negative feeling associated with scents that caused me to remember and reflect. Anytime this has happened, I am filled with nostalgia and wanting. I yearn to be back 'there' for just for a moment, to feel how I felt at that time.

This meme is courtesy of Sandi.

Throughout childhood and even adulthood certain people always smelled different to us, what scents remind you of a loved one?
When we were little mom always smelled of cinnamon gum. Her purse was filled with all of the things that my sisters and I could ever need. To use her handkerchief or tissue meant you would get an extra big whiff of cinnamon Trident Dentyne.
Stetson cologne reminds me of getting ready for church on Sunday mornings. My dad would splash on a little just before leaving. On the way there the air in the car would be filled with the smell of my dad.

Are there any scents that remind you of a certain place or time in your life?
Every now and then I'll smell something in the air that brings me back to elementary school. Specifically, I recall sitting on that big, spiral-woven rug listening to stories told by my teachers. It's frustrating that I can not put my finger on what the scent is but instantly I am transported back there.
The smell of a coming storm and the smell after the rain can bring me back to a few different places and times, depending on the time of year. I remember the park, long walks, deep talks, lots of laughs, teasing, playing and chasing. Kissing and dancing, after the rain.

What are some comforting smells for you?
With a click and a bang, the heater turns on and the air is filled with warm memories of snuggling under my Gramma's afghans and not ever wanting to get out of bed.
My mom is in the kitchen, the sounds of football are coming from the family room. The air outside has turned cool with the arrival of fall. The smell of a turkey cooking in the oven instantly brings me home to Tucson.
Cookies baking reminds me of winter, a warm kitchen, Gramma Marcy, her Melting Moments and stealing hot, gooey cookies cooling on the table.
The smell of the warm, wet air after a monsoon rain in Tucson reminds me of Gramma Mary's house. I remember the cold, damp from her swamp cooler and the cicadas buzzing in the trees outside. I don't know if its the soil, the Creosote or the Desert Broom that gives the air its distinct smell but there is nothing like it that brings me back to Tucson, to Gramma Mary's and Home.

What are some of your favorite scents/smells?
I love the smell of rain, a new book, fresh coffee, popcorn, fresh baked bread, Pier One, Victoria's Secret grape lip gloss...

Do you use any form of aromatherapy in your home or throughout the day?
There are scented candles in my living room and incense in the kitchen and bathrooms.
See SPF: Fresh.

If you had to describe yourself as a scent (or combination), what scents would you be?
I would love my favorites to describe me: Melting Moments and a Tucson Rain.

Rosati's To the Rescue

Oncology nurses get similar responses when people find out what they do for a living. We hear, "Isn't it depressing? That must be so hard. I could never do that," to which I reply: Yes, sometimes it's a tough job but I love my patients and taking care of them and their families. Caring for them and seeing them along their journey through diagnosis, treatment and planning for the unforeseeable future is nothing compared to the physical and emotional suffering that they experience every day. If I can help to make that journey a tiny bit easier, then I have done my job. I can not imagine doing anything else.

Note to self: You are human.

This morning, I left work a big bawling baby. A total of four embarrassing melt downs, one of which occurred at a patient's bedside. Six nights on a pod full of confused, yelling, incontinent patients is manageable. Add to that the previously discussed elements of the job I love and it is just a matter of time before the breaking point is reached.

I feel like I'm insane.
No alarm. I woke up at 7pm. I have decided to take tonight off from work. I talked with the designee (charge nurse, head nurse) and arranged a preplanned sick call.

Tonight, I am regaining my sanity with mind numbing TV (currently an ANTM mini-marathon), celeb bashing magazines and junk food. I am going to play with my puppy, catch up on your blogs and eat pizza.

My first bite and I already feel better.






Thanks Head Nurse for the advice on how to do it right.

Light Weight Champion

I have barely healed from the many bruises and scrapes I obtained from the camping trip from over a month ago. After Rocky Point, I have glass in my heel that has yet to extract itself. I have bruises on my legs and a slightly swollen ankle which I have no recollection of obtaining. My legs look like I strive to be the next Courtney Love.
Tonight, after a long day of cleaning, running errands and cleaning again... mopping up after Dookie's many dookies (four to be exact), I had two beers. Two beers made me stumble and miss a step that I have been walking down and over for over two years. Let me elaborate. I had my first beer at 8 pm. My second, I started at 10 pm and at 10:30, I did this...










If I am lucky, it will heal by Thanksgiving.

Blah Because...

I had to and I hate putting myself out there.
I feel the need to apologize for everything.
So much to do and so little time.
It's my first night back and I have not slept since 5 am.
Five nights until I can be back to a 'normal' schedule.
It's a full freakin' moon.
Need I say more?

Do you all hate returning to "the daily grind" as much as I do?

More Things

Adios, Arizona! Hola, Mexico!

Fall is finally here! I'm a bit sad summer is over but cool weather is welcome and way over-due. September marks the last trip to Rocky Point. It's the perfect month to go if you are planning to venture there. The water is warm and the air is nice and cool.
Before I visit our neighbors to the south, I leave you with a survey. I was tagged by Lori and you know how I LOOOOOOOOOVE surveys, especially at 4 a.m. Good 'ol insomnia!

10 years ago I was: Still living in Tucson, working at PCC and attending the University of Arizona's College of Nursing. Go CATS!

5 years ago I was: Living in San Antonio. I decided to take up travel nursing so I could see new places, to which SA was the extent of my adventure. I loved my job there but Texas was NOT for me. Humidity, flooding, and whacked out sprawl of roads and freeways. I do not need help getting lost in America. I can do that just fine on my own, thanks. Plus, I was missing my family so much it hurt. So I rented a UHaul and headed back to AZ. Thanks L,B&J for sharing in the nightmare of hauling my crap cross-country in a broken, POS, liability of a trailer. Ah! Good times!

1 year ago I was: Doing exactly what I am doing now. Well, not laying in bed, writing in a blog at 4 am but you know what I mean. Same job, same digs... same 'ol.

Yesterday I was: Doing yard work at 6 am. Then I went to the pool, read my book and took a nap. I did some shopping, took Dookie to her first vet appointment (what a good girl!!!), visted my sister and her boyfriend so our puppies could bond, dropped Dook off with L before I leave for Me-hee-ko and then I came home, did some laundry and packed.
WHEW! I am exhausted!

5 snacks that I enjoy: 1. Cottage cheese & a nectarine 2. Popcorn & an icy Coke 3. Peanutbutter (yes, all by itself on a spoon) 4. Pita chips & red pepper hummus 5. Cereal

5 songs I know all the words to: 1. PSSOM by Def Leppard (Sugar ME! duh nuh... nuh nuh nuh!) 2. The entire Grease Soundtrack (who doesn't?) 3. Don't Fight the Feelin' by Too Short (not something I'm proud of but there it is) 4. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood (oh yah, driving in my car) 5. Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano (the only foreign language song I can sing)

5 things I would do with a million dollars: 1. Invest 2. Pay off my debt 3. Buy a home 4. Help my family with their debt 5. Travel

5 favorite TV shows: 1. The Office (can't wait!!!!) 2. Big Love 3. Real Time 4. Friends/Seinfeld reruns 5. Little House reruns at 4 am (tonight Laura and Elmonzo broke off their engagement but Eliza Jane got them back together)

5 things I am thankful for:1. My family 2. My friends 3. Health 4. My career 5. Freedom

2 names I go by: 1. Katherine (to family) 2. Kathy (to friends)

2 parts of your heritage: 1. Polish (mommy) 2. German (daddy)

2 things that scare me: 1. Global Warming 2. The swarm of wasps in my front door way

2 of my every day essentials: 1. gum 2. chapstick/lip gloss

2 things I am wearing right now: 1. FDNY T-shirt 2. boxers

2 things I want in a relationship (other than real love): 1. Mutual trust & respect 2. A tickle-happy, laugh til it hurts good time

2 truths: about me? 1. I have insomnia 2. I have a low tolerance for stress-causing BS

2 physical things that appeal to me in the opposite sex: 1. eyes 2. height

2 of my favorite hobbies: 1. painting/drawing 2. blogging (especially quizes about me, me, ME! ; ) just kidding)

2 things I want really badly: 1. To have my debt paid off 2. My own home

2 places I want to go on vacation: 1. Italy 2. Australia

2 ways I am stereotypically a chick: My sense of direction (Lori, I'm right there with ya... where ever that may be. Where am I?) 2. I am a churning, bubbling, cauldron of emotion.

2 things I normally wouldn't admit: 1. Sometimes... I pee in the shower! 2. Let me think on this one...

2 things I am thinking about right now: 1. Need Sleepie!! 2. Mexico, Mexico, Mexico... beach, beer, sun! FUN! FUN! FUN!

2 stores you shop at: 1. Nordstrom's 2. J.Crew


2 people I haven't talked to in a while: 1. JH 2. VF

2 people I would like to see taking this quiz: 1. Jenni (I know you're busy so it's ok if you don't) 2. Veronica (I expect to see your blog up and running by the time I get back... a little incentive, yes.)

Buenos dias y hasta luego!

Everything For a Reason

I believe this to be true but I am too tired, after just getting off of work, to explain.
Surprises! I am so excited and happy! I need to prepare. There is so much to do.
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!!

How am I ever going to be able to sleep NOW?

Photos and much more to come... stay tuned.

Dogs and Starfish

I just woke up and was having a dream about Scoobie and Jackie. We were in my parent's backyard running around but the yard was different than it is now. The old patio and stairs were still in place. Buckets of starfish lined the side and front of the porch next to giant planters made from tires and rims. One of the starfish "sat up" on its legs to look at me. It had eyes, little black beady ones, underneath where its stomach should be. When it saw me it walked towards me on its legs to get a better look. It exchanged glances with another starfish, climbed up the side of the bucket and disappeared in to a hole in the top. What the?
I walked up the stairs into the house and Daddy was playing ball with the girls. He was sitting in his chair and was throwing the ball through the sliding door into the living room, which was slightly ajar. Scoobie and Jackie were falling all over themselves to get to it. Poor clumsy Jackie, knocking into things. Scoobs was jumping all over and even managed to push the ottoman out of the way with her back legs during an enthusiastic, springy attempt to catch it. It came to me so I picked it up and it felt like a sopping wet sponge... like heavy wet foam rubber. When I threw it, it landed with a splat on the shelf knocking over one of Mommy's porcelain owls. Jackie gently picked it up and brought it to me. Anyone who knew Jackie knows that when she got control of the ball she used to take off in the opposite direction to chew on it rather than return it. So, good girl, Jackers! I took it from her and this time, when I threw it, it made it through the half opened door.

And then I woke up.

Why I Blog

Obviously, my friend Jenni is the reason I started to blog in the first place. I was a little anxious about it when I started because, well, my life is boring. I work. I eat. I sleep. Occasionally, I do some fun stuff. I do not have a husband, kids or pets whose antics I can write about. So why the hell should I call attention to the fact that I have nothing to say. In fact, I wrote a disclaimer when I first began as a warning as to how much nothing I can fit onto a webpage. To be honest, every time I publish a new post I think the same thing... "Who cares!" Then, yesterday, I came upon this little snippet, from Schnozzfest, on the funny truth about the "Why blog?" question, the "midblog crisis" and why she chooses to blog.

Schnozz writes, "Some members of society continue to struggle to understand the blogging phenomenon. They see it as attention-seeking, exhibitionist, egomaniacal, selfish. They will haughtily talk about how THEY don’t NEED to write about themselves every day, sharing PERSONAL DETAILS about themselves with TOTAL STRANGERS, because they’re out LIVING THEIR LIVES, not chronicling it on some Web site.... I’m at a loss to figure out why blogging is considered different from the legions of objectively pointless activities humans around the world engage in every day. Some people like to put a basketball through a hoop in their driveways, over and over. Others prefer to bake. Some people like to garden. Rarely are they asked for an explanation, though I’ve been tempted: 'So, what are these tulips you’re growing? What’s that all about? Starving children can’t even eat those. Why do you plant everything out there in front of the house? Just so other people can LOOK AT THEM? You’re sick.'"

There are a few choice answers I could come up with as to why I blog. It is a means to stay occupied in the midst of a quiet shift or a sleepless night, yes. It also acts as a personal journal and somewhat as an outlet for emotion and creativity in the form of words and image. Finally, while I could send out hoards of emails, filling up unsuspecting recipients' inboxes with annoying videos, silly anecdotes or preachy soap-boxy issues, I can keep my friends and family abreast of the latest events (and non-events) in my life in non-intrusive way. If they don't feel like visiting or reading they are not obligated. I am glad those of you who do read keep coming back and leaving your comments. They are much appreciated and I do enjoy your pages as well. It's fun right?!

In the end though, my reason for blogging is the same as Schnozz... simply because I like it.
Thanks again, Jenni, for getting me started and thanks Schnozz for opening that can of soup!

Tagged with a Music Meme...

Little Pink Houses for You and Me

... and feeling nostalgic!

First of all, I had to look up the word, "meme":

meme (mēm)
n.

A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.

I'm not sure if this definition covers what is going on when one 'tags' another with a blog post but here it is anyway.

1. Name between 5 & 10 songs that have made an impact on your life. I'll leave it up to you to decide how many you wish to describe.
2. Pass it onto five other people with a link back to your own post and this one as the original.

Only ten?! Where do I even begin? ok... I know... Memories. Most of the songs that cause an emotional response, of some sort, have a memory attached to them. Funny how most of the songs are from days long gone. I tell you... they just don't make music like they used to. Is that the truth or does that mean I'm old now?
Here are some of the songs that can still bring me back to the moment:

• "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd: This has always been one of those songs I could listen to over and over on my headphones. Some how it makes me feel just that... comfortably numb. Memory association with this one... we camped out in the mountains and I could hear this song echoing through the darkness. Perfect.
  
• "Yesterday" by The Beatles: My friends and I were influenced early by 'Ch's' dad, 'GWM'. He was a Beatles fanatic and was hell bent on turning us into fans too. He succeeded. We would sit on her living room floor after school and play his records. Sentimental, emotional teens we were. We laid in the middle of the floor and sang this again and again, sometimes tearing up. Oh... what we thought we knew about "yesterday" back then. If only I could have a word with those girls.
  
• "Love Song" by Tesla: I remember the very first time I heard this song. We were sitting in geometry class in HS. 'Bill Sam' handed me his Walkman and told me to listen. I fell in love with the song right there during the guitar intro. It has remained one of my all time favorites and has become my personal ballad of late.
  
• "Hysteria" by Def Leppard: There are so many years and people associated with this one but if any one song could transport me back to a specific time and place, this is it. It was graduation night and my ex-boyfriend and I went back to the football field for one last time in the middle of the night. He brought his radio with him and played "Hysteria". We cried and danced on the field knowing our high school days were over. I'm still a major Def Leppard fan and went to the concert last year. We are planning on going to the September 2007 one, as well and I can't wait!
  
• "My Old Friend" by Tim McGraw: This is a fairly new song, but in keeping with the nostalgic flow of this post, I will tell you that it makes me think of certain people I have lost contact with. Some make me sad. Time goes on. We all move on. But memories linger and will stay as long as I keep sane in my old age.
  
• "Come Softly" by The Fleetwoods: My sisters and I used to play my parent's records on their old HiFi record player. The Fleetwoods' Mr Blue .33 was one of my favorites. It made me look at my mom and dad fondly. It still does.
  
• "These Are the Days" by Van Morrison: My sister and I sat in my car up on top of Mt. Lemmon. We just sat and talked while it rained and this song played. "There is no past. There's only future. There's only here. There's only now."
  
• "Sad Songs Say So Much" by Elton John: I can't help it. Fun songs are great but the sad ones are the best!
  
• "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffet: Anyone who knows me at all will tell you that there is no place that I would rather be than Mexico. Warm sun, cool breeze, flip flops, Dos Equis and friends. Muchos recuerdos maravillosos!
  
• "Small Town" by John Cougar Mellencamp: Anything Mellencamp will bring back great memories of a more simple time in life. Long, hot summers full of friends, birthdays, swimming, parks, dancing and just plain good times. I visited with one of these friends a few days ago. It has been ten years. Been too long, Jenni. It was great to see you!

I tag the following five people:
Jenni
Christine
Borracho
Jana
Kim

I hope you guys respond because I would really love to hear what you have to say. : ) Email, blog, bulletin... I don't care.
Anyone else who would like to partake in music nostalgia, leave a comment!
GawdMom? Mommy? C? L?

I Can't Even Name This Post

A Toast to Jenni's friend, Catheroo

I got home late from work today and am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. Even though I know I should be in bed it kills me to think that daylight hours are wasted away by barely sleeping, working, and barely sleeping again... despite the fact that this 7 day work week is the sacrifice I make for wanting to take two vacay's in one month. Ok... I asked for it.
Forcing myself to stay awake to maintain somewhat of a 'normal' person's life, I am outside (it is currently 101 in sunny AZ), drinking my drink and catching up on blogs. This is relaxing for me.
Jenni's page is so cute. It looks like "E" may have an "ET" toe like my sister. I love it. There may be a picture posted later... she will not like it but her toe will maintain its anonymity.
There is a fly that keeps landing on my leg and I am going to swat the _ out of it in a second if it doesn't stop.
L was is another accident this week and totaled the camper. No one was hurt but I hate that I heard it from my mom two days after the fact. I emailed her. Everyone is okay.
It's f***ing hot out here.
Random memories come to my mind time to time and a lot of them have to do with Gramma Mary. Blogs are becoming a means to logging my memories (inaccurate as they may be). I remember Gramma Mary's cold, wet kisses that smelled like Milwaukee's Best.
Damn fly. I need to keep flyswatters in every room like she did.
Did I mention it's hot?
Vegas this weekend! I can't wait! It will be my first real visit as the first time I was there, I was 19 and with my boyfriend, just driving through back from CA to AZ. My friend 'J' and 'S' have everything planned out which I am grateful for since I would be at a loss... hopefully not at the tables. I will be 34 on Sunday, even though MySpace thinks that I am already.
We fly back on Monday night. Tuesday AM I am driving down to Tucson to stay with my parents. Jenni and Co. will be there and I get to see her after ... 10 years? Seriously, has it been that long. I can not believe that. Plus! I get to meet the whole family! So excited!
Two more nights of work and then my vacation begins... I think I can...
Work sucks this week. I love my job but sometimes I think that management just doesn't get what a a staff nurse does during a typical shift at night. Patients do NOT sleep. We do NOT sit around. They are just as sick at night as they are in the day time. I think this misconception is one of the reasons we are continually understaffed with CNA's (God bless 'em) and called into the office for 'a discussion' when we end up working overtime. That's it... no more about work. I can't even think about it. I have to be back in 7 hours and need to sleep.
Shoo fly!
It's too hot to lounge outside.
Finally, a toast, to Jenni's friend, Catheroo. I clicked her link after reading Jenni's post and saw she was blogging & drinking her Fat Tire before bed. A toast to a great weekend for all... Happy Independence Day! Have fun and be safe... nitey nite for now.

Weekly News: Vanilla Soy

For this week's new experience I am making a change.

Several people I know have told me that their triglyceride and cholesterol levels are high. A doctor of one of these people actually detected a plaque in her carotid artery. Just last week I had my levels drawn and am still waiting for the results. I really want both of us to work on bringing our levels to normal (or below), as I have a significant family history of heart disease, heart attacks and strokes. I have taken care of people who have had strokes and all I can say is that I DO NOT want to end up living my life the way some are destined to after that sort of event. My friend has been doing well with the changes she's made and I hope she keeps it up. She is very important to me and words can not describe what I would feel if something happened to her.
In the spirit of getting healthier (and thinner), I decided to make some changes in the way I exercise and eat. A small change, but hopefully a beneficial one, I have taken the advice of a fellow healthy person. He suggested replacing milk (the HORROR!) with Soy milk. Today, I did.
It's yellow. It's sweet. It tastes nothing like milk.
I love milk.
I'm going to miss it... after this gallon is gone : ).


*6/21/07 2148 Addendum: Great. I just now checked voice mail from the last two days. Dr's office called to report my labs are back. They want me to call them and schedule a follow up appointment regarding my lipids. I should have known... but I thought I was doing so well!

Bloody Hell!

As you may know, I work the night shift. I have two front doors, both which have door bells. I tend to park close to the main one in the drive so that the back laundry door is the most accessible to those who come-a-knockin'. This is the doorbell that I can not hear while I am trying to sleep during the day. This week I worked six twelves in a row so that I may have this weekend off to go to Mexico (so excited I can hardly stand it). Three is normal, four is an occasional extra shift (and bearable) but six drives me into the ground. I have averaged 3 1/2 hours of sleep per day the last five days. Needless to say, I am beyond exhausted. I was really looking forward to a long, uninterrupted sleep today. Nyquil on-board, I don't even remember hitting the pillow.
Fifteen minutes ago, the bell I try to cover up was rung, and rung, and then rung again. I managed to slink out of my bed, stumble down the hall and peep through the hole to find the solicitor, a mere stick figure, making his way back down my driveway. He did leave a calling card... see above photo.

I am more than frustrated and now unable to sleep again, hence this irritable post while visions of homicide dance in my wee little head.

God Bless and Holy Mother of Pearl (that was for you 'K').


... right back atcha, JW.

SPF: My Bounce

Self Portrait Friday assignment for June 8, 2007
Kristine over at Random and Odd had a rough week last Friday. This week she has her 'bounce' back and thus inspired this weeks assignment:

Show me your bounce. (this could get interesting!)

SPF is usually light and fun but this weeks topic of "Bounce" for me involves a time of letdown, anxiety and self-dislike but eventually resolve.
I received another email from someone who I have considered a friend for most of my life. Everybody has their problems and issues but we two have never quite been able to communicate effectively when a conflict arises.
Being the sensitive and emotional Cancerian that I am, I tend to take things to heart, am very emotional and super sensitive. I recognize this in myself and try to react and respond to situations in an objective manner and to use kind words in order to spare others any pain. Another thing about me is that I HATE conflict of any kind. This is probably the reason that I avoided the debate team in High School, keep my opinions to myself and change the channel immediately if Jerry Springer or Judge Judy come on.
I am also prone to anxiety attacks when confronted with certain kinds of stress. In this case, insulting, insensitive and hurtful comments. This is not the first time my friend, a Gemini, has been hostile and cold to me. I am tired of feeling hurt and sad over the way things have gone. Even more so, I am sick of being made to feel bad about myself because of the things she says and the way she has treated me in the past, and now.

Friendship should not be exhausting. Friendship should not be such hard work.
I have decided that I can't go on like this anymore. Although, it is a tough decision and it makes me a little sad to have to do it, I also feel a sense of freedom and relief when I think about not having to hold my breath for another angry response or endure another stinging and spiteful remark.
I am going to concentrate on the important people I have around me now... to be a good friend to them while I get respect, love and encouragement in return.



I have bounced her email back to her (a feature I have only recently discovered on my Macintosh. It's genius.)

She will not know that she hurt me for the last time.

7 More Things

Good Sam, originally uploaded by scoobers1.

Jenni started this off by 'tagging' me with seven random facts about me. Here are 7 more things that just came to my mind.
I am at work at 4:10 am. All my tasks are done. Everyone is sleeping (thank you, Ambien). Here are 7 things I do to occupy my time:

1. Write in my blog.
2. Play Text Twist.
3. Read my book or various catalogs/magazines.
4. Surf the net and answer email.
5. Eat.
6. Walk the stairs (12 floors!)
7. Plant my face in the desk

Visual DNA

My Visual DNA pretty much describes me perfectly...

Read my VisualDNA™     Get your own VisualDNA™

7 Things

I've been tagged by Jenni

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to blog about their seven things and post the rules as well. At the end of your post, choose 7 people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog! OK, here goes...

1. This is my first official blog on my own official site!
2. I totally have spring fever and a trip to Rocky Point is a must.
3. I really need to exercise more (Amen, Jenni!)
4. My name is Katherine and I am addicted to iTunes and my Mac.
5. Saying “God Bless You” when someone sneezes and getting one in return when I sneeze is pretty important to me.
6. Kim and i are going to Australia in less than a year!
7. Dragonflies. I have always liked dragonflies.


Thanks for getting me started Jenni!

The people I tag are you who might do this and those I would love to hear from: Christine, Mommy & Daddy, Debbie, Jana, Jessica, Shelly, Laura & Bekah, and DeAnne (That’s more than 7... I know)