It Gives Gift Return a Whole New Meaning

Laura and I were sitting around reading and I could not decide what to get people for Christmas. She said that a book was always a good idea so we went out to go look. We ended up at a library and the smell inside immediately brought me back to when I was a little girl and I realized that I had not been to a library since then. As we stood waiting in line amongst a maze of people and velvet ropes I noticed that we two were the only people who were not elderly. I told Laura that we should probably go to a book store for presents because the books from the library would have to be returned and would not make practical gifts. We ended up checking out a few books anyway and headed back home. Mommy and Daddy were doing stuff around the house. I think Gramma Mary was there too. Mommy came in and said that the kids had thrown eggs and hit the trees out front. I could not imagine why anyone would ever target my parent's house until my she told me that Daddy would pull over and chastise the kids of the neighborhood for being rambunctious. It all made sense.
Later, my mom wanted to go out to get a mister/humidifier for the porch where we could sit and stay cool and hydrated. It seemed that the heat was drying us all out and we needed a little relief. When we got back from the store we packed up a lunch for picnic. I went into the bathroom with my newly borrowed book and sat down. All of a sudden, I was in my Gramma's old bathroom. The toilet seat was freezing cold and I could hear people right outside the window, talking and laughing. It sounded like they were watering the plants. I was a little worried that if I could hear them, they could hear me, so I tried to be as quiet as possible. The smell of baby powder was in the air and I could see the soap on a rope dangling against the pink wall off to my left. It seemed that I was in there forever and I heard Mommy walk past the door and tell me she was ready to go. When I came out she was walking down the hall wearing giant, dark sunglasses, baggy, white shorts and a t-shirt.

I woke up parched and with a gurgly stomach.






I am a participant in Holidailies 2007.

Pearly Whites

Walking to the cafeteria I suddenly remembered that I had a dream that I started wearing my retainer again. After years of avoiding the dreaded wisdom teeth extraction, I jammed it over my shifted teeth and wore it religiously hoping that they would move back to the way they were after my braces came off at sixteen. My mouth ached. My head ached. When I went to pull it out, my teeth were perfectly aligned but I had to scrape a thick, white, filmy coating from the roof of my mouth and from between my teeth. It had the appearance of lard and I can only liken it to the grease that coats the roof of your mouth and arteries after eating cold popcorn and then drinking an ice cold beverage.

Buried In the Past (and This Blog)

Buried among the slew of today's posts, kind of hoping no one will read this, is another vivid dream. One that made me feel when I woke up. If you do read this, I ask that you comment for my sanity's sake and so that I don't feel like a complete fucktard.

Act I, Scene I: My parents called to tell me that Scoobie was alive again. Somehow she was back, so I went to their house to see her. She looked completely different. Her hair was long and matted. Her eyes looked old and diseased with cataracts. She was weak and could barely move. She lifted her head and tried to get up to come to me but her back legs did not seem to work. I rushed to her and laid down on the floor next to her. I pet her ears and head and kissed her, telling her I loved her. She died right there while I was laying with her. Jackie came around with yellow eyes, looking like a ferocious, rabid SS police dog. She darted around the corner and I did not see her again. Red, brown and yellow leaves blew around the backyard.

Act I, Scene II: I was in a convenience store that was located within a complex of condominiums/resort. There was a large pool area with a waterfall that I could see through the large window in the back. I ran into an old friend, DP, greeted him and gave him a hug. I told him that Christine was around somewhere and should be here shortly. Then we ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine. We all stood around talking for a while when, during the conversation, I came to understand that we were to be married the next day. I froze and started to panic a little because this man had really hurt me in the past and wasn't sure when all of this had transpired. Mommy came around the corner carrying a pack of gum and other things she had picked up. Daddy was carrying a financial investment magazine of some kind. I flipped though it briefly. They seemed to be aware of the next day's plans so I hesitantly shrugged off my confusion and apprehension.
GW and I went to my childhood bedroom, sat on my bed and and lay together on the afghan Gramma Marcy had crocheted for me when I was little. We had a brief 'frollick' and blankets were everywhere. Just before the interaction became ultimately intimate (for lack of better wording and censorship) he sat up on the end of the bed and turned his back to me. His head hung very low. I immediately was angry and annoyed at the way he seemed to be sulking for attention. When he spoke, his tone exuded indifference and hatefulness. He stood up to dress. Cautiously, I questioned him why he was acting the way he was and received only a dead blank stare. Then he said that the wedding was tomorrow and that I shouldn't make so much of things. I told him then and there that there was no way I could marry him if this was the way things were going to be. Christine and DP came into the room at this time to collect me and we all walked out together.

I was a little hesitant to post this one because I woke up feeling a little beside myself, uneasy and unrested. It is not something that I normally would put out there but for Dream Diary's sake, I need to. The Scoobie portion of the dream set my emotional state. My heart was heavy over her death again and I felt sadness that Jackie was not her sweet self. As for Act I Scene II, I have not dreamed of GW in quite a very long time and don't know why I would now. It seems strange to post it when I am so uncomfortable with it but in the end, it's just a dream right?
In true life, our relationship ended very badly and affected me in a way that no other had previously or in years to follow. I do not think that I would allow someone to emotionally injure me that severely ever again, even in a dream.

There's Plenty of Room at the Hotel California

Here I lay, bleary eyed and wondering where it comes from. I could not make this shit up if I tried.

I was working on a paper for which I had researched illicit drug use in adolescents. After completion, my paper would be presented to a magazine for possible publishing. My article was about methamphetamine use and the effects it has on teenagers and the lives of people who care for them. It was submitted to Rolling Stone through an intricate pneumatic tube system. In order to get their reply I had to use a different method of tubes. After pouring water down some clear neoprene, I watched it roll and fall out of sight until the water flowed back up and tube began to fill. I put my ear to it to listen to their response. A man's voice told me that they loved the article but unfortunately it was too graphic and 'scary' to publish. (Almost famous?)
On the way home, I drove on a freeway that passed over Disney Land. I could see the Small World off to my right. The man I was driving with told me which roadways to take since I was unfamiliar with California freeways. I made it back to the friends' house where I was staying. They lived in some sort of a small commune that housed several Duplexes that surrounded a central courtyard with dead grass. Their house looked as if it were all bedrooms. No kitchen or living area, just a long hall with sleeping areas. Even though there were many beds they told me there was no room for me to stay so I ended up in their neighbor's garage on a little canvas stretcher. Everything was coated in a thick layer of dust and smelled damp and of mildew. When I woke, their neighbor came out and told me that I needed to clean up the mess, which included piles of old oil filters, dryer lint balls, coffee cans filled with nuts and bolts and baby diapers (used and unused). After finishing, I walked back across the courtyard and spotted my dad, outside, watching a game on a television. My mom was gardening. Hotel California was playing.
When I needed to leave my dad told me to stay because the game had three quarters left to go. Somehow, he was equating the amount of time left in the game to how much daylight was left. I argued that I was going to be late. The sun was sinking decidedly fast, I didn't know where I was going and was afraid to drive home on the freeways.
My choices for a ride were a little convertible matchbox-type car or an old refrigerator. When I decided to take the mini car out, my dad told me that he preferred that I use the fridge. I opened the freezer door and the fridge part was filling with water. So, I told my dad that the last time I drove the fridge the door kept swinging shut in my face and I couldn't see anything. I ended up driving away in the little car, dwarfed by SUVs and semis with the cool wind in my hair.

The Land of Opposite and Backwards

This dream was dreamed in the Land of Opposite and Backwards. Everything that happened in it is contrary to anything that I know to be true of myself and the people in it.

My parents were supposed to be going out of town. MK, ChM, JPed were going to spend the night at my parents house, like a sleepover for grownups. All of us and Christine were playing some sort of "Never have I ever..." or "I would rather..." game in the living room. There were more people there who were sitting around on floor and couches. MK said that JPed couldn't dictate where we should be and what we should do and wanted to move somewhere else so I went down the hall to find a new place. I opened my parent's bedroom door to find that Daddy was in there sleeping in the evening darkness and on the left side of the bed. Puzzled and a little worried, I went out to tell the others that my dad was still there. ChM got up off the floor and started gathering her things. She decided she didn't want to stay if my mom and dad were going to be home. She said it was bullshit and that she was under the impression that my parents wouldn't be there. Then she asked me if I would go with her to make a phone call to let someone know she wouldn't be staying. I did but I couldn't imagine who she would be calling. It turned out to be a guy she was seeing and she was going to go out with him instead. I couldn't help feeling that somehow we all disapproved of him.
MK decided we should all go out. We got ready, picked out what we were going to wear and left. We ended up at a bar with different levels. The top level was a club. It was dark, cold and loud. Tons of people were drinking and dancing. It opened up to an outside area where there was a balcony that looked over the bottom level that was more like a restaurant. It was warm outside and people were sitting around on the benches and tables, drinking and talking. I was looking over the balcony watching the people downstairs. Directly below was this guy who was sitting with his back to me. I was looking down on sweaty, hairy ass crack decked out in black pleather. Later, Christine came upstairs to tell me she had started making out with him before she realized he was a disgusting wet, hairy beast with bad breath.
The club was part of a much bigger building and somehow we all ended up getting lost inside of it. We were riding elevators to different floors. One had a library with tall ceilings that made it echo. Another was like a little boutique. We rode the elevator down and were making our way through a maze of huge columns of cement and stone. We happened upon a couple of people who appeared to have come from the club, by the way they were dressed and smelled like cigarette smoke. They told us they could help us get out. They said they were medical students and then gave us valium and duragesic patches to chew on, saying it would help us to relax. It was very Alice In Wonderlandish. We chewed on the plastic and went on our way.

Death Wish Part Two

I got home from work at 9:30 one morning, about a week ago. I had Cheerios for breakfast, played with Dookie for a bit, brushed my teeth and crawled in bed. I was asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.

I wrote this as soon as I woke up:

We were driving down a neighborhood street. It was dusty and windy and dark. I'm not sure where we were headed. Me, Christine and my ex-boyfriend were plowing down a dirt road in this huge, green, boat-of-a-car. We skidded to a stop in front of an old house that appeared to be part of a ghost town or movie set at Old Tucson. Something was after us so we ran inside to get away from whatever it was.
Christine and MyEx ran around the corner, down the hallway and through the next door. I tried to follow and got to the end of the hallway when the dark figure came swiftly up and cornered me there. He held out a blade, shaped like a half-moon, and said, "This is what you get for not doing as I say." He held the blade to my throat and pushed. The last thing I remember was the blade going all the way through my throat and envisioning that I was looking down my own trachea which looked like a long, red, sucking tube. I wasn't panicked or franticly trying to get away. I just let it happen. Sure it would be my last, I took a deep breath of warm air and then I woke up.

Again. A violent dream of someone trying to murder me. This time, it appears that they succeeded. What is the significance of this? Is this a premonition? A warning that someone has a death wish for me? A sign that something is off kilter in my life? Perhaps I shouldn't eat Cheerios before bedtime. Or is it a cerebral connection between me and my puppy? I did find a stuffed moose head, minus the body, outside my bedroom door, compliments of Dookie. Is she trying to tell me something?

I have been off of work for several days and have not had any violent, nightmarish dreams. I am unable to recall them when I wake but know, when I open my eyes, that I have had restful sleep and pleasant dreams.
Tonight, I return to work. I am curious to see what the Sandman has in store for me.

Sleep tight, everyone.

Vincent D'Onofrio Tried to Kill Me

Mommy and Daddy were getting married again. I went over to their house to get ready and, like one of those bad-hair days, was having problems with my dress, makeup, hose (why I was wearing pantyhose is beyond my ability to analyze) and was pressured for time. I could hear people in the living room and Christine peeked around the kitchen corner to see. All we could see were the legs of people sitting in folding chairs. In the family room, Daddy was sleeping in his chair and I went to go wake him up to tell him to get ready because we only had 15 minutes. It was hard to wake him up and when he finally did, I realized it wasn't him and the man got up very quickly, grabbed my arm and yelled at me.

The situation had turned so that my whole family was being held hostage in our home by this man who I think was Vincent D'Onofrio (the guy from Men In Black, The Cell & Law and Order: Criminal Intent). He had grabbed mommy and had a gun but suddenly I did too. Hiding behind the couch, I was trying to shoot at his feet from underneath it but missed. Mommy got away and he came after me. I ran out the front door, into the yard and buried myself under a large evergreen bush that used to grow on the east side of the house when I was little. I kept saying, "Please don't see me", over and over. Vincent ran out after me and jumped into my dad's old yellow Toyota Corolla. I crept into the Gile's front yard and into their garage as he drove slowly down the street looking for me. I could hear him yelling what he would do to me when he found me.

When I ran into our neighbor's home, I yelled for help and a man who was not our neighbor appeared and told me that since it was not his house he could not let me in... Not even to use the phone! Over the wall, in the back yard, I could hear a commotion going on.

I woke up to find Dookie had broken through her gate and had gotten out of the kitchen.

I'll be good while you sleep

Love the look like she wants back in...
Note the mess behind the gate.

I incorporated a conversation that V and I had at work regarding Vincent D.
Then, the crashing and crying I heard woke me from a deep sleep and vivid dream.
Gotta love the Dook.

Dogs and Starfish

I just woke up and was having a dream about Scoobie and Jackie. We were in my parent's backyard running around but the yard was different than it is now. The old patio and stairs were still in place. Buckets of starfish lined the side and front of the porch next to giant planters made from tires and rims. One of the starfish "sat up" on its legs to look at me. It had eyes, little black beady ones, underneath where its stomach should be. When it saw me it walked towards me on its legs to get a better look. It exchanged glances with another starfish, climbed up the side of the bucket and disappeared in to a hole in the top. What the?
I walked up the stairs into the house and Daddy was playing ball with the girls. He was sitting in his chair and was throwing the ball through the sliding door into the living room, which was slightly ajar. Scoobie and Jackie were falling all over themselves to get to it. Poor clumsy Jackie, knocking into things. Scoobs was jumping all over and even managed to push the ottoman out of the way with her back legs during an enthusiastic, springy attempt to catch it. It came to me so I picked it up and it felt like a sopping wet sponge... like heavy wet foam rubber. When I threw it, it landed with a splat on the shelf knocking over one of Mommy's porcelain owls. Jackie gently picked it up and brought it to me. Anyone who knew Jackie knows that when she got control of the ball she used to take off in the opposite direction to chew on it rather than return it. So, good girl, Jackers! I took it from her and this time, when I threw it, it made it through the half opened door.

And then I woke up.